Do we need mediation?
Withdrawal of love and attention is a classic strategy to deal with our judgments of our partners, either physically, mentally or emotionally. We shut down our willingness to communicate and set about trying to "punish" the other for their behavior so they will see what harm they have done us. Then they will be contrite and ask for our forgiveness and our well-being will be quickly restored. Or not?
The strategy to shut down will usually escalate the conflict from what might have started as something simple, to something that you both just wish would go away. And often-times there is a reluctance to be the first to break the "deadlock". No one wants to admit to being wrong. There is a fierce (and maybe covert or subtle) fight to see who can stand their ground the longest.
Conflict can start with something simple like the dishes not being done according to expectations, but if the focus remains on the dishes as the issue, escalation is almost certain. If it's not dealt with quickly and appropriately, it can fester into a full-on conflict...leading to very unpleasant consequences. If you have regular conflict in your relationship, you have probably noticed that this is a common theme or thread in most of the conflicts.
Feeling separate from your intimate partner can be very painful. And if you don't have a process for working through those painful feelings, it is easy to either turn those feelings of anger and resentment back against yourself or against someone or something else - a child, a work subordinate or the family dog.
The good news is that it’s not too difficult to turn conflicts around. In fact, it’s even possible to learn to see that conflict provides you with an extraordinary opportunity to deepen the intimacy between you. Rather than running from conflict, you can learn to turn toward it with curiosity and compassion. With some understanding of the principles of effective communication and a few simple strategies, you and your partner can re-discover the love that you know (in the depths of your heart) is there.
If you are experiencing difficulty in your intimate relationship, or find it just too painful and you can’t sort it out by yourselves, give me a call on (+61) 0412 988 844 or schedule a session below.
Thank you so much for your support and guidance. It was very helpful and we are relieved
and excited that we can refocus on the business of the centre and grow authentically together.
What masked itself as a planning meeting was really a very necessary mediation process.
It has shifted the difficulty and has contributed to our management team feeling safe once again.
All members have expressed the value and the relief at having some clear strategies
when other issues arise. Your help and skills were very much appreciated by all.
Sonia - Healing Well - Health and Wellness Centre